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80's Music Disco

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There was some great Music in the charts of the 1980s however there was also some very poor pop, Cheesy tunes and rubbish records produced just to make money. Also some sickly stuff like Kylie and Jason's especially for you or Glenn Medeiros nothings going to change my love, has dated terribly. However not everything that is bad makes it into our what not to play list as these records were often used as Wedding first dance records, and will hold special memories for some. Other really, really naff stuff, like Aggado, stars on 45, and charity records also escape because as these tunes were "of the moment" and at the time were just a bit of fun, designed to get people on the dance floor. Poorly put together Charity records were in reaction to an emergency and a way to motivate people to make a contribution to a good cause. The cause is good even if the record is rubbish. For us the worst music is always gong to be the novelty record. These records may tell a funny story that's not so funny after hearing it for the tenth time. These are records a DJ has to waste money on, and after a week or two will get on every ones nerves, novelty records make up most of our worst of the 80s selection. We do include a couple of stars on 45 spin offs because these tunes overworked the formula and there are limits.

We hope not to offend anyone who may like these tunes, so our reasons are given why these records are "What not to play at a 80's party ." In no particular order here is a list of tunes an 80's music DJ should avoid.

What not to play at an 80's party

Laurie Anderson's - O superman

This was a very strange mix of talking and not much music, its difficult to understand why this tune got so high in the charts. In fact it peaked at number two in the charts but there is no dance value in this and it was really boring. Super boring man.

The Brat - Chalk dust

In reaction to one of John Maceroes famous tennis tantrums when he exclaimed "I don't believe it, I saw Chalk dust". We cant believe it either.

Joe Dolce - Shaddap you Face

This was one of the two records that kept Vienna by Ultrovox from hitting the top spot.

The Tweets - Birdie song

Grans of the world unite. When this record was in the charts (about 1981) It was a sure fire floor filling smash for the 70 something's, so if you book Pro Mobile Disco for your 100th birthday party we will be sure to bring it to the party. Although this tune still has some popularity in the USA where it is know as the Chicken Dance, in the UK by 1982 only deaf people would be glad hear it.

Paul McCartney - Frog song

Its a blessing Sir Paul didn't include this in his set for the London Olympic opening ceremony. This track was also called We all stand together, no sit down, lie down and fall asleep to this one. In any case its terrible.

Spitting image - Chicken song

Really this should be excused on the grounds its simply highlighting the fact that

  • Novelty records are Rubbish
  • Novelty records take five minutes to make, and are pointless beyond the fact they exploit the record buying public
  • People who buy them are stupid

Yes we did buy this record, the extended 12 inch with a remix on the b side. However at the time it was number one in the charts DJ Jim remembers getting a request for it, and it caused a dance floor walk off.

Black Lace - Superman

We quite liked Aggado as this is quite a catchy tune and one morning DJ Jim did a slot on breakfast TV playing this for dads doing dodgy disco dancing. Black Lace are responsible for a kids party classic 'Do The Conga' which Pro mobile disco will sometimes play at School Discos. Super man on the other hand is slow and with a silly boring party dance routine, it will work well on that 100th birthday party if nobody wants to dance.

Minder - What are we gonna get er indoors

Forget singing the theme tune, Arthur and Terry should have also stayed indoors, This was a very lame Christmas record, in an attempt to cash in the huge success of 80's tv show Minder. Er indoors would not have been happy to get this festive flop from Gorge Cole and Dennis Waterman for Christmas.

The Firm - Arthur Daleys (e's alright)

This novelty record played on the popularity of TV show Minder which was a massive hit for ITV in the early to mid 80's. The gullible record buying public deserves no mercy, to let this get into the charts, we must have been minder mad.

The Firm Star trekking

Building on their earlier classic works, Star Trekkin got to number One in the charts in 1987. Based on the brilliant Star Trek series, this may have made it to number one in the charts and been called a party record, but not as we know it.

St Winifreds School choir - There's no one quite like Grandma

Perhaps they where trying to kill her off by boring her to death, sick bag on stand by, Sorry Gran that 100th we been talking about, I'll play it then and not before.

Wonder Dog - Ruff mix

A record producer discovered how to add samples to a backing track and the sample he choose was that of a dog barking to the beat.We must have been barking mad to buy this one. As bad as what the dog turns his dinner into. Simon Cowell dressed up as wonderdog for TV interviews which he must now regret, less X factor and more shXt factor. Check out the cringe worthy interview Simon does dressed as wonder dog on YouTube.

Rory Bremner - N-n-n-n-nineteen Not Out

This was a tune we steered clear of and don't think I bought this. It was a spoof of Paul Hardcastles vietnam war record 19 and was about cricket. For that 100th birthday party we can change the lyrics again, N-n-n-n-n-Ninety Nine Not out.

Morris Minor and the MG's - Stutter rap

Very politically incorrect comedy record, a spoof of the VW badge wearing Beastie boys, comedian Tony Hawks was involved in this one. In many ways the Beastie boys deserved to be lampooned as they started a craze that meant every volkswagen driver in the land became sick of getting their car emblems nicked.

Roland rat - Rat Rap

Saved TV Am but this didn't stop him punishing us by making several songs, can only remember this one.

Kenny Everate - Snot rap

Kenny was great, very funny and at the time we may even have like this tune(for about 5 minutes).

Harry Enfield - Loads of money

Look at my wad, at the time we the loved the Loads of money character who was very funny, but now regret swelling Mr Enfield's wad with more dosh by buying this tosh.

Fred Wedlock - Oldest swinger in town

DJ Jim did a bowling club party back in about 1982, and everyone seemed to to be of very senior years, they were dancing to some disco music when he made the mistake of playing this. Some bloke of about 75 came over and threaten to punch Jim in the face if I took the micky again, at the time not even the old folk liked this one.

Keith Harris plus Orville - Orville's song

Yuck. Sorry but Orville defiantly laid a rotten egg.

Toy dolls - Nellie the elephant

We have a recollection the Toy dolls were a punk band, and just made this to pay the bills. If that was the case then good luck to them. It worked for about two weeks before the shine of novelty wore thin and this tune would never work in an 80's party today.

Mc Mike - Holiday rap

The original wedding party track Holiday was a good enough tune, if it needed a rap in it Mike should ave given the mic back to Madonna.

Pump up the bitter - Stars on 45 (pints)

Like most of these records Pro Mobile Disco would have bought it at the time but never actually played it so cant remembered much about it, except it was a spoof of the novelty format stars on 45. I know Chas and Dave also did a similar spoof ie stars over 45 which is not included in our list of the worst 80s music, but Chas and Dave have never taken themselves seriously. They are just good old boys out to enjoy themselves and so should we. Pump up the bitter however, was a play on a 1987 number one record M.A.RS pump up the volume which it self started life as the B side to the far superior Cybils my love is guaranteed. Also it was released about 5 or 6 years after the stars on 45 series and was no longer relevant. Its a worn out spoof of a b side, how low can you go.

Happy Talk - Captain Sensible

Happy Talk was a show tune taken from south pacific and a number one back in 1982. It was sailed to the top of the charts by Captain sensible, formerly the drummer from the Dammed. Maybe he was doing his own thing, making a few quid and the joke was on us. I remember this tune entered the charts at around 33, and radio one DJ Dave Lee Travis said how much he loved it, and next week it was at number one. No 70's punk rocker should ever have been reduced to playing Rogers and Hamerstein and getting recommended by DLT. Recently Jim was the DJ and compare at a large open air 80s revival and I shared the stage with the good Captain. Captain Sensible is a smashing chap so Happy talk almost escapes our cheesy tunes of the 80s list. Almost.

80s dj and captain sensible

Neil - hole in my shoe

Young ones, great. Soppy Neil as a singer sorry no. I can excuse him and rest of the young ones gang doing Living doll with Sir Cliff, because it was for Charity (imaging Smash and nicey saying that). But Hole in My shoe and the follow up single (which was about a white Bicycle) was just an attempt to trade in on the stupid record buying publics insatiable demand for novelty records.

Camouflage - Stan Ridgway

I am not sure if this was really for real. Strangely this tune worked in so many ways, catchy and with reasonable production however it was just the odd subject matter that I didn't understand, A marine caught in a barrage saved by a solider called camouflage, who it seems was also a ghost. Odd.

Anita Dobson - Any one can fall in love

She may be married to that PHD Star gazing guitarist from Queen but Angie should have stayed behind the bar at the Queen Vic and never dreamt of doing the the Eastenders theme tune to music. Any one can fall in Love well Den didn't think that way and certainly not to this tune.

Lulu - Shout

The original 1965 lulu recording of this record, made when Lulu was about 15 years old is a masterpiece and the DJ will often play this at parties and family celebrations. In 1986 someone said lets re-record shout and jazz it up a bit, 80's style. Its Naff, Lame and made the original unplayable for about 5 years.

Frankie goes to hollywood - Rage hard

Its only on this list because my local record shop actually gave away copies of this record to help it chart. After the unbelievable success of their previous work it was a desperate attempt to stop the evitable fall into chart obscurity. If they didn't manage to get all the way to Hollywood, Frankie should have gone home gracefully.

Royal Philharmonic Orchestra - Hooked on classics

A load of classical music samples were strung together with a backing dance beat. At the time there were several such tunes about including stars on 45 and back to the sixties by Tight Fit, but this pushed the format too far. When it was played on top of the pops, the Teenaged audience danced their little socks off. Now classical music is great but teenagers bopping to Beethoven when its not the last night of the proms is just not right. We had to be brahms and liszt to buy this one.

Jive Bunny - Everything by Jive Bunny

Stars on 45 rip off merchants which was bad enough but jive bunny took the format to a new low. Its unfortunate that medley records have been around since year dot and we have some of these records that predate stars on 45 by a long way. The bad news is we can be sure this format will at some point be back in vogue and in the UK charts again.

We also thought to include Lobo in my worst 80's music list but didn't however I thought I would mention it, just in case you thought we missed it. For those who don't know Lobo made another stars on 45 style track this time with the sounds of the Caribbean. I think however it works, I haven't played it for many years but if I had it with me and if a record like Hot, hot, hot worked well then this tune could well end up on my play list for the night. Other naff records sometimes include charity records, often these records might be rubbish but the are well meant, so are not in this list. There was an explosion of charity records in the 80's which was started with Band Aids 'Do they know its Christmas?' This track was re recorded at the end of the decade and was the last number one of the 1980s and first of the 1990s.

Pro Mobile Disco will avoid the terrible tunes from the 1980's and play instead your favourite pop, soul and 80s disco music.